I feel like the past five days have been an absolute obnoxious whirlwind. The height of the craziness was spending several hours in the ER with Mom on Sunday night. While she was given a "clean" bill of health after the whole ordeal, I'm not completely convinced that all is well. The evening definitely left me feeling helpless and overwhelmed. I realize that there wasn't really a close call and that she is "fine," but the scare was a bit more than I was ready for. I've always "known" the time would come that my parents would cease to be a part of my life on this earth, but that truth didn't really hit me until this past Sunday night.
After losing my Aunt Mary Kay suddenly when I was 15 (she was 39), I've had a unique perspective on life and death. Over the years, I've spent way too much time contemplating how I'll survive without my parents. When it comes down to it, my mom is one of my best friends in the entire world. It's an odd day if I don't talk to her multiple times about nothing in particular. For this reason, it's no wonder that I've discussed how I'll get by without my mother WITH my mother. Typically, this conversation is had over the phone. Through obviously suppressed tears, she reminds me that "We'll be together again." While my faith, something that is another true gift from my mother, is usually a sweet comfort, it fails to bring serenity with this conversation.
While I know I have this immortal soul, my mortal brain can't wrap it's head around the concept, so I'm often left feeling alone and vulnerable instead of comforted and expectant for the afterlife. I suppose that is strength that God will bestow when I need. My prayer is that I will go many more years before receiving that gift.
For tonight, I'm trying to accept that we're mortal.
This is what I've been struggling with all week. I love you.
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