Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Bad news...we're mortal.

I feel like the past five days have been an absolute obnoxious whirlwind. The height of the craziness was spending several hours in the ER with Mom on Sunday night. While she was given a "clean" bill of health after the whole ordeal, I'm not completely convinced that all is well. The evening definitely left me feeling helpless and overwhelmed. I realize that there wasn't really a close call and that she is "fine," but the scare was a bit more than I was ready for. I've always "known" the time would come that my parents would cease to be a part of my life on this earth, but that truth didn't really hit me until this past Sunday night. 

After losing my Aunt Mary Kay suddenly when I was 15 (she was 39), I've had a unique perspective on life and death. Over the years, I've spent way too much time contemplating how I'll survive without my parents. When it comes down to it, my mom is one of my best friends in the entire world. It's an odd day if I don't talk to her multiple times about nothing in particular. For this reason, it's no wonder that I've discussed how I'll get by without my mother WITH my mother. Typically, this conversation is had over the phone. Through obviously suppressed tears, she reminds me that "We'll be together again." While my faith, something that is another true gift from my mother, is usually a sweet comfort, it fails to bring serenity with this conversation. 

While I know I have this immortal soul, my mortal brain can't wrap it's head around the concept, so I'm often left feeling alone and vulnerable instead of comforted and expectant for the afterlife. I suppose that is strength that God will bestow when I need. My prayer is that I will go many more years before receiving that gift. 

For tonight, I'm trying to accept that we're mortal. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

24 Days, 4.25 miles, & countless blessings

In 24 days, my dear friend Kelsey and I will be running a 5K. This exciting to me not because it's my first race ever, but because I feel like it's the first race in my life as a runner. I've had goes at running in the past. Bout #1 was in 2007 when my friend Beth said, "You should run a half marathon. It's not that hard." I did end up finishing a half, but I wouldn't say I ran it. I was poorly trained, and lacked the motivation found in the joy of the sport. Bout #2 happened last year when Sarah, another close friend and my business partner, asked if I would "make" her run a half marathon. That race was not finished. We had good intentions, but running was not a priority for either of us. To be honest, I was grateful when life circumstances kept me away from the starting line. 

For nearly two months now I've been dedicated to running. The first five weeks I ran without an intention of finishing a race, since then, I've been obsessed. I dream about my runs. I fantasize about my routes. When I'm at work, I count down minutes to the time that I can leave, come home, lace up my shoes and hit the road. This is becoming who I am. I love it.

After returning from my 4.25 mile run today, one made much easier due to Harry Potter MP3's, I got to thinking about my life. Despite my frustrations and minor irritations, I love my life. Don't get me wrong, I have my days. I feel sorry for myself; I get lonely; I get bored, but 95% of the time, life is wonderful. I have countless blessings. My husband is easily the funniest person I've even met. He makes me laugh multiple times every day! The life we are building together is more fulfilling than I could have ever thought possible. I have a wonderful family and in-laws. My friends are there when I really need them, even if life keeps us from each other, when I need them, they are there. And now, I'm learning to love this body God gave me. I am able to run...far distances. What a miracle. 

I am now rambling and extremely tired. Until tomorrow, lovely followers. xoxo

Thursday, October 7, 2010

30 Days, a killer, and a killer run

The 5K is 30 days from today. I've decided that I HAVE to have a race to look forward to from now on if I am going to stay in the habit of running. I was going to say, "If I'm going to FORCE myself to run," but the truth is I haven't felt forced. In this, my third attempt at becoming a runner, I am truly enjoying myself. Maybe it's because I don't have the scary idea of a half-marathon, something I may never do again or could exceed some day in the future, staring me in the face. Since I have been looking forward to my daily run, I was incredibly irritated when I missed it on Tuesday of this week.

At the end of the school day, I got a text message from Michael warning me that there was a random shooter miles from our house. Because I was working late, I wouldn't get home in time to run with him. Thus, my run was cancelled due to a killer. I know it's horrible that this irritated me. I'm aware that one family lost a loved one and that two others (one distantly connected to me) are blessed to have the people they love, but will forever be changed from the incident. Even knowing all of that, I was irritated that a crazy man was keeping me from my normal routine. I mean, isn't that how we let the terrorists win? I digress...

Yesterday, despite the fact that the killer had not been caught, I went for a run. The fact that I didn't use the uncaught killer as a phenomenal excuse to ditch my run is yet another example of how I am becoming a runner. In the past when I've been running, I would take ANY excuse to stay a home. "What's that you say? It might possibly rain in Detroit? Well, I had probably skip my run in case it blows this way." Although my mother was against me being outside for 30+ minutes by myself with a killer on the loose, I laced up my running shoes and headed out.

I knew I would at least run the 2.6 I had done on Monday, but contemplated doing the last .5 to get to the 5K distance. However, I remembered one of my running blog sites talking about doing "too much, too fast" so I decided that 2.6 for two runs in a row would suffice. What resulted was nothing less than a killer run! I did my 2.6 miles in 29:05! I averaged 11:12. It felt amazing! It has also fueled a desire in me to wait for it...start running for time?! Wow. I'm that person. Not completely that person, I mean I'm not going to be shutting down 8 or 9 minute miles any time soon, but to do my 5K in 30? That would be amazing. Fortunately, I have 30 days to work toward that.

At least now I know that if I do encounter that killer, I can run away!

Monday, October 4, 2010

33 Days..breaking 2 miles

By the time Mike and I got home from a couple of errands after work it was already 5 p.m. I seriously contemplated skipping my run. I did two miles yesterday and could have easily justified taking a rest day, however, I had an off-day as far as eating was concerned, and felt that skipping my run would add to the stress of the day.

My goal for today was to run 25 minutes. A small increase from the 22 minutes I've been running. I ended up doing 30 and got in 2.6 miles. Just .5 away from the 5K. Once I get to 3 miles a day we'll focus on speed. Mike should be starting training with me tomorrow. We'll see if this happens. 

Long day, short post, good run. :)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

34 Days...One mile at a time

It's not my intention to turn my blog into a running blog, but it appears that may be the result. I'm ok with that because, after all, this is a sample of my life. :)

I woke up this morning to my blaring alarm at 7:30. It's the only time in my life that I ever experience pain from hearing Dave Matthews voice. (There's always love for Dave...always.) Sunday mornings are the hardest times to find motivation to run. I'm in bed. I'm comfortable. I'm warm. I'm dry. I don't hurt. I debated the possibility of postponing my run until this afternoon, however, I have become acutely aware that whenever I put a run off the likelihood of it happening decreases exponentially.

7:50 am-Get out of bed & use the restroom
7:52 am-Lay in bed one more time contemplating the benefits of 30 more minutes of sleep
7:55 am-Drag myself off of the bed. Put on long pants & a long sleeved shirt
7:57 am-Lace up running shoes.
7:58 am-Commence running.
8:20 am-Return home after 2 miles.

Betty-1  Stupid little voice in my head telling me to sleep-0

I don't know that I'll ever want to run more than 3 miles in a race again, but I'd like to end up running 5-6 miles a day to stay in shape. Even if it takes me months to get there, I want to be there. For now, I'm taking it one day and one mile at a time.