As promised in my last post, it's time to talk about the fear of childbirth. From all I've read and been told, EVERY woman experiences a modicum of fear when considering birthing her child. It apparently took 24 weeks for that fear to set in for me. Last week I had a true breakdown that resulted in Michael being soaked in my tears. So, what threw me into such terror? Well, other women, of course.
It was mostly my fault. I should have known better. I've spent most of my online-adult life avoiding forums. Rarely is there anything of value on these cyber traps, but I just couldn't resist the thread on my baby site titled "What no one tells you about delivery." In truth, I clicked the link with an air of "tell me something I don't know." After all, I've read a LOT about birth. I've had friends who have recently given birth who have shared their stories. I felt that I was prepared, educated, ready.
About 80 responses in to the thread that should have been more accurately titled "Let's try to scare all new moms to death (or into scheduled c-sections)", I started freaking out. How had I been so lead astray? Were my "friends" maintaining some sort of pact in this new mommy club they joined? Had they promised to tell enough of the truth to appease me but kept the real horrors of childbirth to themselves only to dupe some other poor sap (i.e. me) into pregnancy only to relish in her demise? (Lord help us if our son has my flare for the dramatic.)
I went straight to (one of) the source(s), my dear friend Sarah who is currently carrying her second child. (Baby VP 2.0 is due just a few weeks before our Clark!) After announcing that I was incredibly mad at her for lying to me, (you should know is that Sarah is also one of my business partners in Signature, Ink., a fellow teacher, one of my spiritual mentors, and easily my closest rival when it comes to being bossy, so she is used to my accusatory demeanor) I proceeded to explain why. I'll spare you the details because really, they're gross and it turns out that everything I was afraid of, according to Sarah, was not shared with me because it didn't happen or is "not normal and those people should see a doctor."
Where does this leave my fear quotient? Much lower than it was after reading the scary forum, but slightly higher than it was, let's say, 7 months ago. I know that reading will only do so much to prepare me for task of giving birth and that the classes we'll be taking will help a bit more. I also know that women, some of whom are much stronger than me, but many who are much weaker than I am have done this for thousands of years. Our child will come into this world and all will be well. In the mean time, I'm reading, praying, and seriously considering purchasing Hypnobabies. At this point, any relaxation has to help!