Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Apathy and Settling

When it comes down to it...I'm a sham. It's not a revelation I particularly enjoy fessing up to, but it's true nonetheless. I spent years growing up in a Christian home, surrounded by values and dialogue about Christ. After graduating high school, I went to t Christian college. I decided to go into teaching, partially out of obligation to follow in my mother's footsteps, but mostly because I believed in the possiblity of helping others. God had given me hands to serve, hadn't He? I worked hard while in school. I even served here and there when it was comfortable...I worked with teen moms, took a job as an RA, and periodically participated in campus activities that focused on the less fortunate. Four years later, I graduated from this Christian institution, moved home, found a job, and settled in. Settled. Settled. Settled.

Now I'm married, live in a comfortable home in a safe suburb, drive a safe car, and deal with, for all intensive purposes, safe kids. At 27, I have to ask the question, have I settled?

My knee-jerk reaction is no. Of course I haven't settled. You see, for many years I associated "settling" with one aspect of my life: my future spouse. I went through a time where I was close to settling for a less than perfect-for-me husband, but now? Now, I am married to a wonderful man who loves me, and more importantly, loves God, but I still have this nagging feeling that maybe there's more out there for me to do...for us to do.

I wonder if there's something I've been called to that I haven't found yet. In a world so desperate to know God, to be reassured of acceptance and love, what do I do? Who do I influence? Where is my passion to show others Christ? At this point, I have way more questions than answers. Maybe this will always be the case, but regardless, it's time to start searching.

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